Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo.
$800/month plus 1/2 utilities. Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy &
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage.
Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days 1-800-I’m-4you.
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone.
Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy
theories and help stock secluded mountain shelter. Don’t bother
to write, I already know where you live.
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New
Age music, Communing with Gaian nature spirits, and Jello
Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
SWM: 59, wide range of interests including: Star Trek, Battlestar
Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest.
ISO compatible F.
SM: Seeking an adventurous SF Interested in underwater bondage
with or w/o scuba gear and albino livestock breeding. No weirdos please.
SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler Wishes to meet
woman of similar interests Must be ambidextrous.
DWF: Crazy ppl Need Love Too. If you enjoy destroying good
furniture, Police lineups and locking your friends in closets, We already
have three things in common!
Let’s get together.
DM: Physician, 35 Desires to meet that special woman with real inner
beauty. Send latest X-rays.
DWM: Compulsive Liar Seeks beautiful woman to share my million
dollar Riviera chateau. Visa Gold Card a must. Private plane a plus.
SWM: 32, my life’s work is verifying, in detail, all the episodes shown
on “The X-Files”. ISO SWF with like dedication. Must be willing to travel a lot.