Personal Ads

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered

SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo.

$800/month plus 1/2 utilities. Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy &

clock repair.


SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage.

Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days 1-800-I’m-4you.

SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone.

Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy

theories and help stock secluded mountain shelter.  Don’t bother

to write, I already know where you live.

SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New

Age music, Communing with Gaian nature spirits, and Jello


Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.

SWM: 59, wide range of interests including: Star Trek, Battlestar

Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest.

ISO compatible F.

SM: Seeking an adventurous SF Interested in underwater bondage

with or w/o scuba gear and albino livestock breeding. No weirdos please.

SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler Wishes to meet

woman of similar interests Must be ambidextrous.

DWF: Crazy ppl Need Love Too. If you enjoy destroying good

furniture, Police lineups and locking your friends in closets, We already

have three things in common!

Let’s get together.

DM: Physician, 35 Desires to meet that special woman with real inner

beauty. Send latest X-rays.

DWM: Compulsive Liar Seeks beautiful woman to share my million

dollar Riviera chateau. Visa Gold Card a must.  Private plane a plus.

SWM: 32, my life’s work is verifying, in detail, all the episodes shown

on “The X-Files”. ISO SWF with like dedication. Must be willing to travel a lot.

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