One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say “I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say “lettuce” and if you want to go faster say “tomatos”

So they were getting it on and she was screaming “lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos”

Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said

“Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me”!

An elderly couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health, do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

“In fact I do,” said the man, “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then,after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

“This is very interesting,” replied the doctor, “Let me do some research and get back to you.”

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.

The doctor then asked: “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?” “Oh that old coot!” She replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July, and the second time is usually in December!”

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach

good manners, asked her students:

Teacher : “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice

young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite.”

Teacher: “What about you Peter, how would you say it?”

Peter: “I truly am sorry, but I really need to go to the

bathroom.  I’ll be right back.”

Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the

word Bathroom at the dinner table.”

Teacher: “And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brains for once

And show us your good manners?”

Little Johnny: “Darling, may I please be excused for a brief moment?

I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I am

hoping you will get to meet after dinner.”

The teacher fainted……..