MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

THIS IS REAL FUNNY – ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA.
RESPONSE TO A ‘MARRIAGE PROPOSALS’ ADVERTISEMENT!
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON’T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

Madam :

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen
your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on
you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and
six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am
working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket,
and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running
in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my
rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice
man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.
ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to
the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice
I am. I am not having
any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or
anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping
like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come
and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I
am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for
you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What
to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday… That is why
I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my
things into your hand.

If you are marrying me
madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day..
fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not
marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you
until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling
feet looking up with lots of hope.

I
am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore,
Punjab

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