Funny One-liners

Funny One-liners

  1. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.Short Jokes
  2. A fool is a 27 story window-washer who steps back to admire his work.
  3. If all is not lost, where is it?
  4. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
  5. The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  6. It was all so different before everything changed.
  7. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
  8. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
  9. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
  10. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  11. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  12. It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
  13. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  14. Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get
  15. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
  16. ‘stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand and ‘ lollipop’ with your right.
  17. A ‘ jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
  18. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
  19. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
  20. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
  21. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
  22. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
  23. The sentence: ‘The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog’ uses every letter of the alphabet.
  24. The words ‘racecar’, ‘ kayak’ and ‘level’ are palindromes. They read the same whether you read them left to right or right to left.
  25. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
  26. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: ‘abstemious’ and ‘facetious.’

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