Mastiz http://www.mastiz.net The Unlimited Fun Tue, 15 May 2012 09:30:49 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= Emotional and Financial needs http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/emotional-and-financial-needs.html http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/emotional-and-financial-needs.html#comments Tue, 15 May 2012 09:30:49 +0000 bigboss http://www.mastiz.net/?p=3153
A husband and wife are getting cozy in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, “I don’t feel like it. I just want you to hold me.”
The husband asks why. She explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. They walk around and she tries on three very expensive outfits. He then tells his wife “We’ll take all three of them”. They then get matching shoes, a set of diamond earrings and a diamond bracelet. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care) and goes to the pay desk. 
Her husband says, ” No – no – no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff.”.

His wife’s face goes blank. “No honey – I just want you to hold this stuff for a while. ”

Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man!

]]> http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/emotional-and-financial-needs.html/feed 0 Blonde Jokes http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/blonde-jokes-2.html http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/blonde-jokes-2.html#comments Tue, 15 May 2012 05:28:14 +0000 bigboss http://www.mastiz.net/?p=3151
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland .. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Twoblondes living in Oklahomawere sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other , ‘Which do you think is farther away…Floridaor the moon?’  The other blonde turns and says ‘Helloooooooooo , can you see Florida ?????’
CAR
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died.  After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 
She says, ‘What’s the story?’ 
He replies, ‘Just crap in the carburetor’
She asks, ‘How often do I have to do that?’
SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. 
She replied in a huff, ‘I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!’
RIVER
WALK
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other side?’
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, ‘You ARE on the other side.’
AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
‘Impossible!’ says the doctor.. ‘Show me.’ 
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. 
The doctor said, ‘You’re not really a redhead, are you? 
‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’ 
‘I thought so,’ the doctor said, ‘Your finger is broken.’
KNITTING
 
A highway patrolmanpulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’  
‘NO!’ the blonde yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’
BLONDE
ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!’ 
The American said, ‘We were the first on the moon!’ 
The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!’  The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!’ said the Russian. 
To which the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not stupid , you know. We’re going at night!’
IN A
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night… It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’ She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is it on or off?’
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’  ‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blonde. ‘They’re watch dogs’
]]> http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/blonde-jokes-2.html/feed 0 New Era http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/adult/new-era.html http://www.mastiz.net/jokes/adult/new-era.html#comments Sun, 29 Apr 2012 04:41:38 +0000 bigboss http://www.mastiz.net/?p=3146

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