The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.“
The next day the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this:
First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, and then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth; first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out still nothing. We even called up Maya, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even triedsqueezing it between her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?“
The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldn’t get that damned jar open.”
Two old men meet on a street corner.
The first old man said, “Where have you been for the last couple of months?”
The 2nd old man replied, “I was in jail.”
The 1st old man asked, “You were in jail? Why were you in jail?”
He replied, “Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, ‘He is the man officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me.’”
The 1st old man said, “What? And you let her get away with it?”
2nd old replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted to it.”
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say “I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say “lettuce” and if you want to go faster say “tomatos”
So they were getting it on and she was screaming “lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos”
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
“Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me”!
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