The Unlimited Fun
bigboss
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Posts by bigboss
Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it’s better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we’re gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE’RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Facebook Addiction
The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of
Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department.
She passed signs for the “Heroin Addiction Department (HAD),”
the “Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)” and the
“Bingo Addiction Department (BAD).”
Then she spotted the department she was looking for:
“Facebook Addiction Department (FAD).”
It was the busiest department in the clinic,
with about three dozen people filling the waiting room,
most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones.
A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering,
“I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows.”
A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands,
while a curly-haired woman comforted him.
“Don’t worry. It’ll be all right.”
“I just don’t understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy,
but none of my friends even clicked the ‘like’ button.”
“How long has it been?”
“Almost five minutes. That’s like five months in the real world.”
The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called,
then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu,
Facebook Addiction Counselor.
“Please have a seat, Edna,” he said with a warm smile.
“And tell me how it all started.”
“Well, it’s all my grandson’s fault.
He sent me an invitation to join Facebook.
I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me,
because I usually have my face in a book.”
“How soon were you hooked?”
“Faster than you can say ‘create a profile.’
I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day –
and more times at night.
Sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night to check it,
just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India .
My husband didn’t like that. He said that friendship
is a precious thing and should never be outsourced.”
“What do you like most about Facebook?”
“It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world,
I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674.
I’m even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya.”
“Who’s he?”
“I don’t know, but he’s got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous.”
“Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see.”
“Oh yes. I’ve even connected with some of the gals from high school –
I still call them ‘gals.’ I hadn’t heard from some of them in ages,
so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who’s retired,
who’s still working, and who’s had some work done.
I love browsing their photos and reading their updates.
I know where they’ve been on vacation, which movies they’ve watched,
and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under.
I’ve also been playing a game with some of them.”
“Let me guess. Farmville?”
“No, Mafia Wars. I’m a Hitman. No one messes with Edna.”
“Wouldn’t you rather meet some of your friends in person?”
“No, not really. It’s so much easier on Facebook.
We don’t need to gussy ourselves up.
We don’t need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash.
That’s the best thing about Facebook — you can’t smell anyone.
Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic.
One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken,
I’m pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration. “
“What pic are you using?”
“Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic,
but couldn’t find one I really liked.
So I decided to visit the local beauty salon.”
“To make yourself look prettier?”
“No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there.
That’s what I’m using.”
“Didn’t your friends notice that you look different?”
“Some of them did, but I just told them I’ve been doing lots of yoga.”
“When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?”
“I realized it last Sunday night,
when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband:
‘I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.’”
“What did you do?”
“What else?
I unfriended him of course!”
